Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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