my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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