Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
