just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
