She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
