I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
