so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
