Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
