weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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