Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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