After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
