There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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