woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
