So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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