you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
