why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
