Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
