Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
