So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
