Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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