420 ftw
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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