had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize