We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
