yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
