Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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