Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's get the cat blown out
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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