i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
