it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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