im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
