i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Life is so much better after having sex.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
