I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need water and some morals
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
