Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
