Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize