Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
