oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
