I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
