thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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