Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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