There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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