Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
