I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
