this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
