I didn't shave. On purpose
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
