Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
