just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think i have herpe
just one?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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