I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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