Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?

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(516): View more from New York

U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by

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(602): View more from Arizona

either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak

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(503): View more from Oregon

She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.

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(805): View more from California

So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka

(1-805): View more from California

Sweet. Did I win?

(805): View more from California

Youre hungover arent you?

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”

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(940): View more from Texas

I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.

(817): View more from Texas

Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"

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