That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
