God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize