I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
