i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
