I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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