Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
