Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
