omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
