im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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