wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
