Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
