theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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