Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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