When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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