I can text with my tongue
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
