Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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