Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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