just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
