i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
