i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
