i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize