Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
