I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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