Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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