but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
